Things Happen When It’s Time

Things happen when it’s time. The longer I live, the more strongly I believe that. I know this sounds like a cop-out to lots of people, and I don’t mean it in the sense that we shouldn’t set goals and target dates and all that good stuff. But sometimes life intervenes with the best-laid plans, and sometimes we don’t know what we don’t know until … suddenly we do.

My latest example is my car keys. I take them with me when I leave the house, even when I know my husband will be driving. Such was the case last Monday. Tuesday I reached for them to head for a meeting, and they were nowhere to be found. We both turned my purse inside out and searched every nook and cranny in the car. I checked pockets. I folded laundry and reorganized our closet. I cleaned my desk and the catch-all drawer. I retraced our steps the previous day. Those keys had disappeared.

I was stuck! I had nowhere else to look. I lived in limbo for days, dreading the cost of a replacement key.

Six days later, some spirit moved me to look in my purse again. Happy Dance time! The keys were in a side pocket I never use and we’d both overlooked. I found them when they were ready to be found. (Go ahead and laugh — or scoff. I'm not offended.)

In my last post, "Getting Traction," I wrote about being stuck. I was stuck because I was working with the wrong concept and didn’t know it yet. I was, as Ruth Pennebaker puts in her recent book title, a "woman on the edge of a nervous breakthrough." Last week, reading a guest post written by Janet Givens’ dog and riffing with Ian Mathie in the comments pushed me over the edge and that breakthrough occurred. A totally new concept struck me like a bolt of lightning. I’d been writing the wrong book! I was writing more of the same, and it’s time for a radical new approach. Of course!

This was not a fuzzy concept I had to wrestle to the ground. It was delivered complete in all detail. All I have to do is write. Which is what I’ve been doing for several days now. I’m out of the sand and have traction again.  It’s going well.

But it won’t be finished right away. Life is still intervening. As I knew it would, a large editing and manuscript preparation assignment arrived in my inbox today. That job has top priority. Even without the interruption, my project would take a few months. But that’s okay. It will be done when it’s time. If I try to hurry the writing, on this book or any project, I’m likely to miss something crucial, like finding out I’m on the wrong path.

I’m not the only one who’s been stuck on a wrong writing path. I know several others whose projects floundered until they realize they had some hidden issues about content that were unresolved. Once they realized this, things snapped into focus and their stories took a much better shape.They weren't ready to understand the needed shift in focus until it happened. It wasn't time.

By the way, I’m more than a little convinced that the playfulness of Janet’s post, combined with the banter with Ian, was a magic key that unlocked the new concept. We’re never too old to laugh and play.

I’m adding three new items to my checklist for things to do when I’m stuck.

• Go back and read the map again to make sure I’m on the right path.
• Take time out to play. Have fun. Get wild and crazy and laugh a lot.
• Keep sight of the goal and have faith that I will get there. When it’s time.

Points to ponder: What do you do when you feel stuck? What is your favorite, most powerful form of play?

Getting Traction

Anyone can lose traction on a writing project. Anyone. Maybe a few ancient veterans of the writing world have developed immunity, but the other 99% of us, yes, that includes me, can lose our way (a version of that dreaded malady writer's block).

I’m surprised to find myself in this state right now. In mid-April I attended the Story Circle writing conference held here in Austin every two years and came home wired to write. Unavoidable distractions kept me away from my keyboard for several days and that flame began to wane.

My main, get-it-done-ASAP project was and is a rewrite of The Heart and Craft of Lifestory Writing, which sold out three print runs and has been left to rest in peace (you can still order used copies via Amazon). I did make a strong start on the new version for a couple of weeks.

Then a fantastic series of webinars on hosting online courses intervened. More than a dozen compelling videos were posted, but only for several days, so that soared to the top of my list. Each session or replay lasted nearly two hours not counting time for making notes and checking things out. More distraction. New ideas on courses (I hope you’ll be able to benefit from one of those late this year or early next) and additional ideas for the rewrite gushed forth as I watched. I felt highly creative. But ...

I was not writing!

So here I am today ...

• Weeding my garden. 
• Talking to neighbors.
• Folding piles of laundry. 
• Making salad for a family celebration. 
• Answering email. 
• Cleaning the shower.
• Writing this long-overdue blog post.
• Looking longingly at a tall stack of books to be read.
• Stopping to wrap and freeze yesterday’s chicken parts.
• Making fresh coffee.
• Contemplating my mending pile. 
• Rethinking shelf design for my office. 
• Feeling lost and overwhelmed!

I can fix this. I can get out of this sand trap and regain traction. Here’s my thumbnail plan for getting my wheels moving down a solid road:

• Spend ten minutes free writing about why I’m avoiding my project. Yes, I know the reasons, but writing makes thinking visible and seeing it on the page makes it real. Those obstacles become more manageable when I actually see them. (I just checked that off. You see the resulting list).
• Keep my Work In Progress (WIP) document open when I leave my computer and make sure it’s the only window visible  to minimize distractions.
• Create a prioritized ToDo list, including at least half an hour of writing every day! I can get a lot done in half an hour — if I know that’s enough.
• Apply the Swiss Cheese technique to write manageable chunks in those 30 minute windows. I slid into that sand trap when I allowed a much larger project concept to overwhelm me.
• Make and hang a small poster behind my computer to remind myself to write now, edit later. (Uhm, is this another distraction? More avoidance behavior? Perhaps ...)
• Make a separate list of random thoughts about all phases of my WIP.
• Keep a notepad handy for capturing thoughts while I fold laundry, weed, etc.
• Keep selected people posted about my progress. They'll keep my feet to the fire and help me stay on track. 

None of these are new ideas. All are included in the original book, and I've blogged about each many times. You may know and use several yourself, but sometimes we all need a whack on the side of the head to get back to basics, use what we know, and

WRITE ON! 

I must also mention that other things surfaced in that freewrite involving my Inner Critic and other dark things. But that's another story for another post. Points I included here are enough to hold the others at bay.

Now, I feel so much better for (a) having written this post and (b) having a plan. I’m inching ahead. This book revision has turned into a total rewrite, not just an edit, so it’s different only in content from a lifestory or memoir project. The process is the same. My tips will work for you. Give them a try and let me know how it goes. Send me an email or leave a comment. That will help you stay on track once you get those wheels moving.

Thoughts to ponder: What is keeping you from steaming strongly ahead on your WIP? Or from starting one? Which if the tips above might help you? 

My Brain on Story

An ongoing, passionate, urge to write is upon me. Primarily I’m engrossed in creating a second edition of The Heart and Craft of Lifestory Writing. I began writing that book ten years ago. All print runs have sold out, and I told the publisher I did not want it to continue as a Print On Demand volume. I feel compelled to freshen it up with new insights rather than perpetuating what seems like a stale version. 

As I finally found the energy to rip into the guts, I found the courage to question everything I said, and I’m ripping it apart with abandon. I’d forgotten how energizing it can be to smash into things with a sledge hammer. Many years ago I literally hammered out tile and sawed out fiberglass in two bathroom renovations. What fun! This book may also be stripped to studs, and it may take way longer than the four to six weeks I’d intended. 

Or maybe not. Story has me by the brain. I’m dreaming about how to express things. Is that sleeping or writing? Mostly the latter. If I don’t get up and get it on the page, I’ll lie awake, afraid I’ll forget. Nothing will do but to hit the keyboard while it’s clear in mind. Keep a notepad by my bed? Great idea, but I don’t sleep alone, so I’d get up anyway to write the note. Then I’m awake. 

In the wee hours this morning my essay, Mayhem at Camp RYLA (download from the Free Stuff tab) came to mind. A couple of weeks ago my son-in-law and daughter and I got into a hammer and tongs discussion about the nature of Truth. I used the example from my essay of the water pistol being misinterpreted as a real gun. Sally Johnson had an extreme response to what she perceived as gun fire. The gun produced as evidence was a water pistol. Nobody knew until later that Sally worked as a bank teller and had been involved less than three months earlier in an armed robbery where a bystander was hit by a stray bullet. The mere glint of sunshine on a gun was enough to trigger a traumatic flashback. That young woman was suffering from PTSD. Nobody knew. Not even her. 

My point at dinner was that to Sally, that object in Mary’s hand was indisputably a pistol full of bullets. That was absolute truth to her, and from her point or view, absolute truth to me. 

“No. There is no way that is true. She may have thought it was true, but the fact is that gun was a water pistol and she was wrong!” Passions were running high, but I stood my ground, realizing that the best I could hope for was for us to agree to disagree. I was tired after three days attending a conference and not on my toes. I may pursue the matter again, because I feel strongly that it’s important for people, especially opinion leaders such as they are, to recognize that Truth comes in fifty shades of white, and I’m not sure that they do. The empirically documentable fact remains that Mary was carrying a water pistol.

But that doesn’t make Sally’s instant perception wrong or untrue. To her, that was a pistol loaded with bullets. Reconciling her instant perception with the reality of the water pistol was almost as traumatic for her as the original assault had been. I wish now I’d stayed in touch with her. Traumatic or not, it seems like a good thing that she recognized the effect of the trauma as soon as she did. 

But what if the junior staff had roared back out of camp and disposed of the evidence like they would have on television? Life is seldom so simple. In that case, we would not have had empirical truth. Sally’s perception would stand. Would that make it more true? I submit that it would. 

Furthermore, each camper saw and experienced the event in a unique way and left with different interpretations. It probably had the most dramatic and lasting impact on Sally and me. As noted in the essay, I was conducting workshops on communication skills at the time, with an emphasis on active listening and the filters involved. I’ve used this event as am example in classes and workshops countless times over the years. 

This morning I woke to see that event as worthy of much deeper exploration, and it may play a large role in the introductory material in the Second Edition. Now I can go back to sleep. Maybe. Stay tuned!

Points to Ponder: How often have you been in a situation where you were sure of something that turned out otherwise? How did this discovery affect you? How did it affect your “story” about what happened? Did you try looking at the situation from other eyes? How could shifting perspectives change a story you’re writing or thinking about writing? Considering alternate points of view can dramatically change a story, even your view of life.