Where Should I Start?

The single most frequent question I’m asked by people who are thinking about writing their life story, or those who recently began, is “Where do I start?” Variations of this are “How do I start?” and “How do I go about it?”

My answer has two parts and is echoed by everyone I know who teaches life story writing:

1. There is no right way to go about this. You think of one specific memory you want people to know about and start writing. Then you write another and another. Eventually they’ll start clustering in your mind and you’ll know what to do next.

2. You can jump start the process by taking time to make a Story Idea List. Essentially you just make a list and then write a story about each of the items on the list, in whatever order you wish. Some people write an orderly river of story; others write like time-traveling grasshoppers.

I cover the complex relationship between planning and writing in considerable detail in The Heart and Craft of Lifestory Writing. At the end of that section, the concluding wisdom remains: there is no right way to write. You have to find a way that works for you. You’ll only find that way if you pick up a pen or sit down at the keyboard and get those fingers moving.

The other key thing to remember is that almost nobody produces a final copy the first time they write a story. While it is true that anything you write is better than writing nothing, and that your descendants would rather have a hastily scribbled draft written on a discarded lunch bag than not have a story at all, most people realize this work is their legacy, and they want to make it the best they can, within the bounds of time, ability, and motivation.

So don’t be daunted by thoughts like I’m not good at writing ... I don’t know how to say what I want to say ... People will read this and think I was an ignorant dope. Those thoughts come from your Inner Critic. Send him to his room. Start writing and let the words pour out however they do. You may be surprised to read things you had forgotten or never realized you knew.

For the first draft, it’s enough to just get the story down on paper. Later you can add details, refine descriptions and structure, expand the concept, and get as creative as you wish. Maybe branch out into another story. Edit  the best you can. Ask a literate friend for help. Read a book — of course I recommend my own at the top of the list, and you can find other fine titles on my website. Take a class. Join a writing group. You could even hire a coach.

Circling back around, it doesn’t matter where you start. It matters that you do.

Write now: make a list of 100 story ideas. Even if you are an experienced writer, you’ll benefit from this exercise to inject a dose of freshness into your writing. Make the list as broad or specific as you wish. When you finish the list, pick one idea and write the story.

Springing Back

Wild mood swings mark the adolescent phase of a year. We call this phase spring. On Monday balmy sunshine calls for short sleeves and sandals, and Tuesday it may snow. Even so, watching tenuous green shoots emerge from ground and branches keeps hope alive, reminding us that seeds will soon turn into early produce, we’ll romp in shorts, and the season of “easy living” is just around the corner.

Although I generally spurn ritual observances, I do have rituals for greeting spring. I wrote about one of my annual rites, a walk down the road to look for the first coltsfoot blossoms, in a post on Story Circle’s One Woman’s Day blog last Sunday. You can click over there to read about the surprise I found this year.

Other rituals include slipping into my favorite sandals and freshening up white pants. I’ll snip a few sprigs of budding forsythia, and daffodils will soon follow. As soon as the temperature is above 70˚ on the sun porch, I’ll be out with the vacuum and dust rag, preparing to enjoy the view of our surrounding woods and wildlife for another season. The first day of spring also heralds the advent of my April birthday. Turning the calendar page seems more real once spring arrives.

My thoughts flow to memories of apricot blossoms and fragrant lilacs, tulips and the first trip down into the canyon in those spring years of my life. In high school, no matter what the weather, on cool days after April 1 I’d switch from my winter coat to my gold wool Topper sweater. After Easter, whether early or late, it was time for white shoes, skirts and slacks, worn only between Easter and Labor Day. Cotton skirts replaced wool ones. These fashion dictates were mandatory, at least for me. Though I don’t recall observing others through the eyes of the Fashion Police, I was in compliance.

I always celebrated spring with a trip to the fabric department at Clement & Benner in Los Alamos or Dendahl’s in Santa Fe. Carefully hoarded babysitting money went toward flowery percale, gingham checks, or solid sailcloth. Sewing was a constant part of my life, with fabric choice marking advancing seasons.

My sophomore year in high school, specifically my sixteenth birthday, is my archetype of spring. That year my paternal grandmother sent me a wondrous present: a generous length of buttery yellow calico, sprigged with tiny spring-green blossoms. That fabric lit my day as gloriously as the streaming sunshine. The freedom to choose my own design seemed as much a part of the present as the fabric itself. My birthday was on Saturday that year, and we always opened presents at breakfast. By Monday that fabric had become a full-skirted dress with a simple scoop-necked top. Elbow-length sleeves were cut in one piece with the bodice, the waist set off by a sewn-in green cummerbund sash. I felt like a May Queen in that dress and wore it for several years.

Moving back even earlier, I recall spring as a time for new balls, jump ropes and jacks, snitching chalk for hopscotch grids, and softball at school (I prefer to block memories of being the last one chosen for teams). Add in baby chicks, Easter, and helping plant the new garden to complete the picture.

No other season, not even New Year’s, has quite the same intensity of optimism and eagerness. Today most of the rituals, like new balls, hopscotch, and sewing, are observed only as memories. But I still treasure the sense of internal sap rising with that in the trees, and writing my way back through the years gives me a satisfying sense of continuity and progression.

Write now: jot down an essay recording your memories of spring. Does any particular one stand out in your mind? How has your observance of spring changed through the years? Do you have any seasonal rituals such as spring cleaning or switching out your wardrobe? What does this season mean to you? How has that changed?

Desiderata

A yellowed poster adorned, only by the words of Max Ehrmann’s poem “Desiderata” penned in brown calligraphy, has hung on my  various office walls for nearly forty years. I first became acquainted with this poem when I came across the recording by Les Crane, and I still thrill to the sound of that sweeping line, “You are a child of the universe…”

This poem and song stirred my soul when I first heard it, and it has remained an inspiration through the years. I stop to read it now and then, and consider how closely I’m applying its wisdom. There is always room for improvement. It has calmed my fevered spirit on more than one occasion, and kept me looking for the good in situations when life seemed dark and restored my sense of purpose.

Just now, as the world seems to be whirling in chaos with earthquakes, threatened nuclear disasters, changes of regimes, and potential cosmic events,  this poem seems more relevant than ever. I’m using the poem as a journal prompt for a few days, and offer it to you for the comfort, hope and inspiration it may bring. It’s also full of tips for writing if you read between the lines.

DESIDERATA

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

                                              — Max Ehrmann

One line pertaining to writing life story and memoir is “… speak your truth quietly and clearly …” Without Truth, memoir is fiction.

The passage about comparing yourself with others — this is a guaranteed invitation to severe writer’s block and other afflictions of the writer’s soul. Breaking free of these comparisons is key to achieving health benefits from writing.

Keep interested in your own career; enjoy your achievements — this advice can apply to the process of writing as well as the content.

As you peruse the poem, you’ll surely find more great advice.

Write now: Write an essay or story about a time when life seemed dark and you found inspiration in a poem (perhaps the Desiderata), a scripture, or other writing. Tell about any writings you turn to for comfort, wisdom and strength. Share this story with your family or friends if it seems appropriate.

A Blog Is Born

I am pleased to announce the birth of a new blog, Writing for the Health of It. Few regular readers will be surprised at this news, as I have included this concept in many posts here, and mentioned the Writing For the Health of It classes I teach.

The Heart and Craft of Life Writing blog will remain active, with one or two posts a week focusing on the process of writing. Writing for the Health of It will focus on the vast body of research exploring health benefits of expressive writing, and how those findings can be applied to the various forms of life writing. You are likely to find lots of cross-links because the boundaries are fuzzy and overlapping.

The new blog represents my growing understanding of the power of the life writing process. Perhaps like most of you, I began writing my lifestory primarily to document my experiences and insights for my family. I wanted to leave a written legacy of my life. I read books that mentioned personal insight and a sense of satisfaction as frequent outcomes of writing memoir. That sounded good and made sense, but it was not a primary goal for me, and though I paid the concept lip service, I really didn’t “get it.”

For eight or nine years I cranked out one vignette and essay after another, rather like a quilter practicing various designs on single squares. Someday, I told myself, I’ll sort through these squares and arrange them into a quilt — probably several quilts... But not just yet.

Eventually writing single pieces did become less satisfying. I’ll never exhaust the possibilities of all the stories I could write, but it was time to begin assembling them. My first finished product, The Albuquerque Years, fell together easily. You may have downloaded the eBook.

I’ve been tinkering with its sequel, A Los Alamos Girlhood, for a year now, and learned an enormous amount in the process. My most significant insights about the are detailed in my Los Alamos Girlhood blog that has lain dormant for a few months, but I do still post occasionally.

The other insight I have gained from writing short pieces and puzzling out the structure of Los Alamos Girlhood relates to the transformative power of digging more deeply into memoir and its component pieces. As I question memories and work to clarify my understanding of the past, chains of anxiety and other dark feelings are falling away, almost like magic. The experience has been much like washing the scum from time-crusted windows. My childhood looks much brighter and sunnier than I had realized.

That experience has led me to delve more deeply into the mysteries of the power of writing to make us whole, transform inner darkness to light, and heal broken hearts and spirits. Thus my triumvirate of blogs represents Heart (A Los Alamos Girlhood — my experience with writing), Craft (The Heart and Craft of Life Writing — how to write your story), and Health (Writing for the Health of It — how to tap the health benefits of writing).

Write now: take a break from writing. Click over to Writing for the Health of It and sign up for a subscription. As you scan the posts there, find an idea and use as a prompt for some writing practice.

News on Thursday

Thursday I’ll announce some major news that has been a long time in the making.
You know how sometimes you start reading a book and can’t bear to put it down to go to bed? It’s the tension and mystery or drama that keep you turning those pages. That’s the sort of gripping reader involvement we all strive for as we write memoir and shorter life stories. We want to keep readers hanging, panting for the revelation.
That’s an especially big challenge when people know how the story ends before they begin. So what you can do to add that interest?

• Tell them something new, some angle on the situation they didn’t know before.

• Tell them things you’ve never told anyone.

• Hone your story crafting skills to a fine edge.

• Tease them with promises of new information if they just keep reading and make it so tantalizing they’ll hang in there with you. These teasers are also known as hooks. If you lack have a strong hook in the first sentence, or at least the first paragraph, you risk having people put the book down and walk away.

I led into this post with a hook about major news. If you’re like me, you started thinking of possible topics I could announce, and your curiosity is piqued. I’m not going to tell you yet what that news is, but I will tell you how you can be one of the first to hear it: Dial in to the March NAMW Public Memoir Writing Roundtable Tele-conversation at 4 pst / 5 mst / 6 cst / 7 est. I will be joining leading literary and media specialist Kim Dower and host Linda Joy Myers to address the topic of How to Publicize Your Memoir. My news is related to that topic.
Quite aside from the opportunity to get in on breaking news, I hope you’ll join the call because after you follow those tips above and write a killer memoir, whether you sell it to a major publisher or do it yourself as an eBook on Smashwords, you’ll want people to know about it, and that involves publicity. It’s best to plan way ahead on this, almost from the time you decide to write the book. So it’s never too soon to start picking up tips.
For more information and to sign up for the call, click here.
Write now: look through half a dozen of your favorite books, books you could hardly bear to put down, and study the first page. Can you find the hook that caught your attention? Where is it located? What was the bait that got you to bite? What else do you notice about it? Consider what you learned, and write a couple of opening paragraphs for stories of your own.

Expert Advice: The Pro’s and the Con’s

If you haven’t discovered the TED Lecture series, I suggest you waste no time exploring their phenomenal videos about leading edge ideas, presented in TED sponsored programs.  I’ve embedded one of my favorites for your viewing pleasure. Noreena Hertz is an expert speaking on the dangers of becoming addicted to the advice of experts.

Her words appealed to me on just about every level, perhaps because I was raised in a family of die-hard do-it-yourselfers who lacked the resources of Google to solve every problem. We didn’t even go to the library. We just figured things out and did them! That’s a hard mental habit to shake.

Over the years I’ve come to have a healthy respect for those who know more than I do about any given topic, and I’m eager to benefit from their experience. But I’ve learned the hard way to listen to those skeptical whispers.

Those lessons are part of my Story. But the real tie-in for this video in this blog is an inferred message for writers in any genre. We can and should study the work of others. We’ll benefit from reading books about the craft of writing and taking classes to get more guidance. We’ll benefit from participating in writing and critique groups, forums, and writing organizations. We may even benefit from hiring editors and coaches.

BUT, when all the books, classes, and feedback are finished, regardless of the source, we need to listen to that little voice within reminding us, “This is my story.  This is what I need to say, and this is how I need to say it.” When it comes to your life, your Truth, YOU are the expert!

Speaking of experts, I modestly proclaim that I’m developing more than average expertise on the topic of the health benefits of expressive writing. Earlier this week “Writing With Feeling Feels Good,” my first post of a monthly series on this topic, debuted on the Women’s Memoirs site. The content is relevant to anyone, so you fellows are warmly invited to click over and take a look too. Don’t be deterred by the name. Matilda and Kendra assure me everyone is welcome.

Write now: do some journaling or free writing and conduct a written dialogue with your Inner Critic. Explore the whispers you hear urging you to defer to expert opinion. You may want to make this a round table and include your Inner Cheerleader to remind you of your own wisdom, power, voice and skill. Write about following the experts in your writing life and life in general. You may want to expand some “expert stories” into story form to share with others.