How to Write Your Healing Story: Interview with Linda Joy Myers

Who could be more qualified to mete out advice on writing memoir than someone who  holds a Masters Degree in Creative Writing from Stanford, wrote her own award-winning memoir, Don't Call Me Mother, and worked for decades as a clinical psychologist? This legendary person is Linda Joy Myers, who in addition to all the other things she does, is founder and president of the National Association of Memoir Writers (NAMW), and a veteran teacher and coach of aspiring memoir writers. 

Linda Joy's latest book, The Power of Memoir: How to Write Your Healing Story, was released in January by Jossy Bass. I'm excited about this book, because it's the book I might have written as a sequel to my own. It provides enough direction for a beginner to start from scratch, and for those who have already piled up a stack of stories, it provides a process for compiling the stories into a professionally polished literary memoir. It especially shines in the chapter on "The Power of Writing to Heal." The information in this chapter provides an exciting overview found no place else on the different arms of scientific research being done on this topic.

In the latest Heart and Craft of Life Writing podcast, Linda Joy explains how writing literary memoir and integrating the story arc of our lives can lead to much deeper levels of insight than we can ever get from a pile of disconnected stories. In this wide ranging conversation she also talks about using our words, our stories, to create art. She reminds us that revision is more than just a word. At its root, it means to re-vision, to see things freshly, in new ways. Writing memoir is a way of cementing the positive effects of a re-vision of your life and converting it to forgiveness and other healing perspectives. She cites the example of one of her students who spent months writing stories about her mother in an attempt to deal with her anger. Ultimately the woman was surprised to discover that she loved her mother deeply.

There is much more to learn from this fast-paced 13 minute interview. Click the link below to listen on your computer, or right-click to download for listening on another device.

Right-click to download file
After you listen, you can learn more about Linda Joy's work with the National Association of Memoir Writers on the National Ass'n of Memoir Writers website, and you can find her book on Amazon.
 
Write now: jot down some thoughts about a part of your life that seems worth deeper exploration. Remember, most of the value of writing a memoir is in the writing, not in becoming published, or even sharing what you write.

Clothes Make the Man

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

— Mark Twain

Did you ever stop to think that the way you visually arrange words and sentences on a page amounts to clothing your stories? 

Before you read further, I invite you do to download my free e-book, Make Your Pages Picture Perfect and take a look at eight “before and after” examples of the difference layout can make in attracting readers’ attention and easing the path of their eyes as they dip into the words.

Move your mouse over the small pink stars on each page. Each has a formatting tip about that aspect of the page. If you see a page you like, use the tips to copy the settings in Word or OpenOffice.  Those pages have a mixture of simple and sophisticated tips. If you are just getting started, use these basic tips to make your manuscripts look professional and easy to read. Add others as accessories, depending on your interest, level of skill and interest.

• Single-space, or use 1.5 line spacing. Double-spacing is fine for editing and mandatory for submitting manuscripts for publication, but not the standard for finished copy. A little extra space does make it easier for eyes to track along, so adding an extra half-space is easy to do and works well. When you feel adventurous, try the customized line spacing options, for example, Multiple, 1.16.

• Do not double-space between paragraphs. This is the standard for business letters, not for text. It is proper and standard to use an extra line or two to indicate a break in the action or a change of scene. When you add extra space between each paragraph, your story feels choppy. Use paragraph indentation instead, either a tab or by setting the Normal style to indent automatically.

• Use page numbers if your story is longer than two pages. It doesn’t matter where you put them, but make it easy for readers to reassemble the stack if they drop pages on the floor.

• Include your name. It can go below the title on the first page, or at the end. It’s a nice touch to also include the date at the end.

• Use a header on all but the first page. Include the title in the header. The page number can also go here. This second level tip is especially helpful for keeping things in order if you have a pile of several stories.

Don't send your stories out naked. These simple tips will give them a well-groomed appearance that shows you respect and take pride in your work.

Write now: open a file for one of your finished stories and apply these simple formatting tips if you haven’t already done so. Try a couple of more advanced techniques if you feel ready. 

The Patchwork Quilt of Life

“When I quit concerning myself with projects and turned my attention to process, my work really took off,” explained internationally acclaimed fiber artist Sandy German in a talk about the work shown in a local exhibition. Sandy leads a group of quilters who meet weekly in Monroeville, Pennsylvania. to  explore quiltmaking as a vehicle for personal growth and creative expression.

“Sandy gives us a theme to work on, and when we come back with our finished pieces, no two are alike.” said one group member. "We celebrate the differences in our work."

“This group is a marvelous place to learn. I’ve never been told I did something wrong. Everyone looks at my work as an expression of who I am and what I have to say, not as a piece of sewing that has to be perfect in every detail. It’s supportive and exciting,” said another.

As group members briefly discussed their experiences with quilting, the group, and the pieces they each had on display, Sandy’s comments formed a thread weaving the program together. Several times she emphasized the need to take time to be aware of the message of a piece of work. “It’s not always what you think it should be. Sometimes you are surprised.” Herein lies the element of self-discovery and personal growth. She and group members continually returned to the concept of process above project.

As I listened to the program, I was struck by the similarities between the processes of quilting and writing. Serious life writers discover that the process of writing, of listening to the message of each piece, is the source of inspiration, self-discovery, and personal growth. In a very real sense, piecing memories together to comprise a meaningful memoir is much like piecing fabric together to form a quilt. Both quilter and writer face the challenge of selecting, discarding, snipping, and arranging to form a meaningful unit from a universe of possible components. Like Sandy, many of us have discovered that when we switch our focus to process rather than simply cranking out predetermined projects, our writing becomes deeper, more meaningful, and more eloquent.

Whether you quilt or write — or dabble in oils — it’s okay to make messes, to experiment, to let the story inherent in the work bubble forth of its own accord. Be willing to be fresh and surprised by your results. Forget about forming a coherent story and just write, for the pure joy of it, and for the satisfaction of seeing your words, your meaningful thoughts, on the page. Eventually those madcap scribblings will form themselves into a more eloquent story than you would likely ever have imagined. Your writing voice will take on more resonant tones.

While you are at it, you’ll also do well to find a writing group much like Sandy’s quilting group for support, appreciation, and a general sense of writing community. If you can’t find one, start your own!

Write now: find some paper and write for twelve minutes on the topic “What I would write about just for fun and adventure without worrying about producing a finished story.” Or, “This is the most important thing I want future generations to know about me.”

Dreaming Pieces of My Heart

This morning I awoke in a rosy glow of delight, recalling an amazing dream. In this dream I was able to change a potentially ugly situation into a joyful one. Other dream fragments bubbled to the surface.

As I slid out of bed to record these shimmering dream bubbles in my journal, I recalled an event related to these dreams, and then a few others. I jotted all these thoughts in my journal as fast as I could, in highly condensed form. Related thoughts and insights tumbled out.

The result is rather like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle scattered on a table, without a cover picture to guide the assembly. I don’t yet know what it all means.

I find great value in dreams for uncovering hidden thoughts and beliefs that wouldn’t occur to me other ways, and discerning Truth. Capturing these fragments on paper serves an important purpose. It cements them in my waking reality, and gives me a way to return to ponder them at greater length and find connections among them.

This is not the first time I’ve had an experience like this. I don’t regularly remember dreams, but as I do, as I consider their implications, small changes in my understanding are growing into larger ones. Fragments are coalescing into a developing story. Ultimately I suspect they will form a new “Story of Everything.”

In a real sense, I am “restorying” my life, one dream, one fragment at a time.

What does this mean, to have a restoryed life? A few months ago I gazed at my knee, amazed to realize a scar formed there when I was eight years old has completely disappeared. I began searching for other scars. A couple are still visible, but over the years, while I was not looking, most have faded and healed over. I still remember picking scabs from that knee, but the visible evidence is gone. Even my body is telling a different story these days. This restorying process is healing scars on the inside. Perceptions and memories have taken on new slants and shimmer.

I have no formula for this process and haven’t read one. It’s intuitive. All I know for sure is the value of dreaming and writing pieces of those dreams to fit together as they will.

Write now: think of a dream you’ve recently had. Write about it in your journal or ordinary paper. Record the dream, then ask yourself some questions, such as “What do you think this means? What is this dream telling me? Write the questions on your paper, then start writing the answers without specific conscious thought. You may be amazed at the answers that bubble forth.

I Can't Believe It's Been Four Years

Today is my blogoversary. 

How the time has flown. Just four years ago I clicked “Publish” for the very first time on what was then The Heart and Craft of Lifestory Writing. Lots of words have gone into the 380 posts that passed through cyberspace in the intervening1461 days, and I can’t begin to count all the topics. If I printed all the content on trade-sized book pages, they would fill about four volumes, which goes to show that writing a little bit, maybe 1200 words a week, will fill a book in a year or so. So keep on writing, one story at a time.

About two years ago I changed the name, removing “story” from the title to emphasize that there is much more to writing about life than writing simple stories. Last July I expanded on this idea with a post about The Life Writing Progression, arranging five forms of life writing on a continuum of complexity, from uncensored rants and journal entries to polished memoir. Each has value for specific purposes.

Other posts have covered truth, purpose, writing practice, editing, description, dialogue, dealing with your inner censor, working with your muse, elements of a good story, and much, much more. Take a little time and peruse the archives.

Much of the content in this blog has come from discoveries I’ve made and insights I've had about various aspects of life writing. Books about writing in general and memoir, journaling and other aspects of life writing in particular fill nearly three feet of shelf space on my wall. Only a couple are still unread. The proverb, “If you want to really learn a subject, teach it to someone else,” has always resonated with me. This blog is one way I put that proverb into action.

In recent months I’ve spun off two subsidiary blogs in order to keep the focus of this one purely on life writing. One, Ritergal’s Tek Tips, is  about the technical aspects of managing manuscripts and the writing process in general on your computer. The most recent, A Los Alamos Girlhood, is a real-time journal of my thoughts and experiences as I write a memoir by the same name.

This “Mother Blog” is a continuing celebration of my passion for all forms of life writing, and I feel honored that so many have stopped for a visit through the years. Although I write these posts because I’m fascinated with the topics, I do hope the traffic continues to grow. I hope that the growing interest in life writing as a vehicle for exploring the meaning of life, healing various wounds, and creating a legacy of family history for future generations will bless the whole world. I hope that we can, in words that I think originated with Christina Baldwin, “Restory the world, one life at a time.”

Shucks, at the ripe old age of four, this blog is almost old enough to have a memoir of its own.

Write now: draft a story of your history as a writer. Include anecdotes about challenging aspects of stories you have written, reactions of readers, insights you developed about writing, and insights you discovered about life. You may be surprised what else you discover when you write about your writing.

Journaling Your Way Through Fear

The last few days, and presumably the next few, I am exploring journaling as a way to face down fear. I'm scheduled for cataract surgery on my left eye on Monday, and the right one ten days later. In general, cataract surgery is no big deal. In fact, my father claims that he'd rather have cataract surgery than a root canal. It's said to be the most frequently performed surgery in America, and virtually 100% effective, with infection and other complications virtually nil. 

It does help to know that, but it isn't that simple in my case. If I were having standard, old-fashioned cataract surgery, that would surely be enough to hold my fears at bay. But today there are choices. Today there are at least three kinds of hi-tech "premium" lens implants available to increase post-surgical range of vision, perhaps to that of a healthy young eye. 

My choice is the Crystalens. Some people never need glasses, even for reading, after these lenses settle in. Most need over-the-counter reading glasses for prolonged reading. I can deal with that. I already have umpty pairs of special glasses positioned around the house for specific needs. 

I've done my homework in selecting both lens and surgeon. So why the anxiety? I wonder, will they work perfectly? Will I need further treatment for my minor astigmatism? Will I be happy with my choice? This latter question is a biggie. The basic surgery is covered by Medicare. The premium lenses are extra. I'll have a tidy sum invested in these new lenses. I expect to be looking through them for another thirty years or more, and this is an irreversible decision.

Over the last few weeks, I've filled a dozen journal pages as I worked through this decision. Now I'm at the howling stage, anticipating the final step: "That doctor is going to slice open my eye! She's going to suck out my real lens and put in a plastic one! What if it doesn't work? What if I HATE it and want my old eyes back?

I WANT MY MOMMY! 

I'm going to have to settle for a picture of my mommy. But it helps to write it, in huge letters, filling half a page. Just saying it helps. I can write, and drop tears on the page, and I feel better. 

Yes, journaling definitely helps control current levels of anxiety. It helps by simply letting the feelings out in a safe and honored place. On the page they feel real. They have substance. They are transferred from my heart to the page, without danger of being lost or dismissed. It isn't just fears that go there. I write all the solid reasons why everything is going to be okay. I've written them so often I'm staring to believe them. 

I have found a great way to face my fear down — on the page!

Write now: think of something you are feeling anxious about. Take ten or fifteen minutes and write about it in your journal. Let it all hang out. Scream and yell on the page. Feel sorry for yourself. Call names. Cuss if you want. Then give yourself a pep talk. If you don't have a journal, or you want to be sure nobody finds this, use plain paper and shred it.  

Accentuate the Positive

How often have you heard the mantra “Your problems are your best friends,” or some variation thereof? I could fill several pages without stopping as I listed all the reasons we should rejoice in our tribulations because they are such valuable learning opportunities and that sort of thing. Indeed, I even believe most of those reasons.

A variation of this advice carries over into lifewriting wisdom. Yours Truly joins such notables as Dr. James Pennebaker, Univ. of Texas Psychology Department chair and author of Writing to Heal, and Linda Joy Myers, Founder of the National Association of Memoir Writers and author of The Power of Memoir, in extolling the virtues of using stories about dark moments to give balance to a memoir or collection of vignettes. Experts agree that journaling or writing about traumas and difficulties is helpful for instilling insight, healing pain and anxiety, facilitating forgiveness and transforming lives.

Nothing in this post should be construed as negating that advice, but there is another side of that coin that has largely escaped notice. That’s the wisdom of “accentuating the positive.” Pennebaker’s initial research emphasized the value of writing about trauma, but as the years have passed, further research has shown that writing about happy events and memories has almost as much therapeutic value.

Dr. Martin Seligman, Director of the Positive Psychology Center at the Univ. of Pennsylvania and author of Authentic Happiness, has spent decades doing research on the health and other benefits of optimism and happiness. His research shows that these traits can be learned, and while he does not advocate denial, he does demonstrate that there is tremendous value in accentuating the positive.

To greatly oversimplify the vast sea of research in these areas, the results indicate that it is indeed beneficial to face problems and challenges squarely, and to do so with an optimistic attitude that it will turn out to be a blessing in disguise. It is equally valuable to write about our successes and moments of joy, and turn as much introspective attention to explore what we have been doing right and look for additional opportunities to do more of that.

If you don’t feel up to writing the tough stuff, don’t beat yourself up. Just keep writing. Write happy memories. Write fiction. Write anything at all, but do write — just for the health of it.

Celebrate success! Celebrate joy and happiness! Celebrate them in ink as stories, and refer back to them when skies and spirits are dark.

Write now: a story about one of your crowning successes or moments of great joy. Write about love and achievement. Wring your memory dry on this topic.