Don’t Fall into the Perfection Trap

Patrick has been working on the same story for three months now, rearranging words, adding a few lines, deleting others, and revising descriptions. “I can’t write anything else until this one is perfect,” he explains to his writing group.

If you are walking in Patrick’s shoes, remember, it’s super to have a polished, perfect story, but your descendants would rather have piles of drafts than half a dozen jewels. Even if you are working on a piece for publication, there’s a point beyond which you are unlikely to add value by obsessing. Start a new file and move on to escape the Perfection Trap.

Maryanne hasn’t written anything at all for several weeks, but keeps coming to group meetings, “Because I know if I don’t come, I’ll never get around to writing again.” Privately, Maryanne admits that when she thinks about sitting down to write, twenty-nine things seem more urgent. She’s beginning to realize that she just doesn’t feel like her stories measure up to her own standards or the work she hears others reading.

To all the Maryannes in the world (and your numbers are legion): There is no wrong way to write. Your story is as personal as your fingerprint. Revel in your uniqueness. Celebrate yourself. Let your words flow onto paper with as much abandon as they flow forth in conversation, and be pleased that they will reflect your warm and loving heart and personality.

If typing your story seems overwhelming, write with pen, write with pencil, write with crayons or markers. When it comes to writing lifestories, quality is good, quantity is better, anything is better than nothing, and it doesn't matter how the words get onto paper.

Have a talk with your Inner Critic and explain that your usual standards of excellence are to be held in abeyance, at least for now. Yes, you want to do a good job, but any lifestory you write (no matter how rough and crude) is better than writing nothing. So crank out those drafts (put “draft copy” at the top if it will make you feel better), edit as you get a chance — without obsessing over it, and watch that story legacy grow.

Write now: a journal entry or personal essay about your attitude toward perfection in your writing.

This I Believe

I believe that writing about life . . .

• lends richness to life.
• invokes a profound sense of gratitude.
• puts the past into focus.
• lets me see the past from many angles.
• makes it possible to understand and forgive hurtful acts.
• increases compassion — for others and myself.
• allows me to relive precious moments and savor them anew.
• builds connections between generations.
• revitalizes dreams.
• pays tribute to those who have helped me along my way.
• shares lessons learned with generations to come.
• gives me a chance to tell my side of the story.
• gives others a deeper understanding of who I am.
• keeps my brain active and healthy.
• is enlightening and often fun.
• is an intensely personal process to be done my way.
• can be equally rewarding for others.

The statements above do not exhaust my beliefs about life writing, but for the purposes of this post, they are sufficient. The idea for this list came to mind yesterday morning as I listened to seven-year-old Tarak McLain read a list of thirty things he believes on This I Believe as it aired on NPR’s Weekend Edition Sunday. You can read Tarak’s list yourself and listen to him read it on the program’s website.

Tarak’s list is amazing for many reasons, not the least of which is the fact that he wrote it as a project for kindergarten class. Each child brought in a collection of one hundred items. Tarak’s items were beliefs — he edited the list down to thirty for the program. His mother helped him to think it through, but the words are his. The simplicity of his approach is refreshing, and easy for anyone to emulate.

Taking time, whether that be ten minutes, several days, or even weeks to create a list of your beliefs about anything from ethics and matters of the spirit to food preferences and humor, will give you a rich and vibrant reservoir of topics for writing spin-off stories and essays. These essays are a perfect way to create and pass along a legacy of your beliefs that will constitute an important historical document for future generations and include things that don't fit well into story form.

The website for This I Believe includes tens of thousands of essays submitted through the years, including the hundreds aired on the original program hosted by Edward R. Murrow in the 1950s. Read a selection of these essays to get a feel for the essay-writing form. The site has a link to essay-writing tips, and the NPR site includes an archive of podcasts from the weekly This I Believe broadcast. This I Believe also includes information on how to submit your work. Who knows? In a few weeks one or more readers of this blog could be featured guests. Do let us know what date you'll be on!

Write now: start your list of things you believe. Keep statements short and simple. You can write spin-off essays or stories about individual items, but don’t include details in the list.

Add Sparkle to Your Stories

One of my New Year’s Resolutions was to broaden the scope of my teaching. I’d already begun moving in that direction, and am forging briskly ahead, not only with new subject matter, but a totally new format. February 13 – March 6 I am scheduled to begin conducting a new four-week teleclass called Make Your Stories Sparkle sponsored by the National Association of Memoir Writers (NAMW).

The course topic reflects my growing passion for the fine art of description. I say it’s a fine art, but that doesn’t mean writing flowery, over-the-top prose. I’m referring to completeness and accuracy as well as eloquence. Unless you are writing satire or humor, those descriptions that make readers gasp in delight and wonder should be used as sparingly as flakes of cayenne pepper, but they are one of the ways to add serious sizzle your stories. They rarely appear spontaneously, and we’ll look at ways to coax them out of hiding.

Quite apart from learning some new tricks for writing descriptions, you’ll find that honing your descriptive skills makes you more present in your surroundings, and adds color and spice to your everyday life.

The format of the course is simple. Each week we meet together over the telephone by means of a conference calling service to discuss the week’s topic and assignments. Handouts and other material are posted on a secure website that wll also be used for sharing some writing assignments with classmates. This format gives most all the benefits of sitting in a classroom together without having to leave home, so students are likely to be scattered all over the country — or even the world.

NAMW is also offering a teleclass led by Linda Joy Myers on Writing a Healing Memoir, and Jerry Waxler is leading one on Discover the Story Amidst the Facts. The three of us are teaming up to offer a series of free* 30-minute teleseminar previews of these courses and you are all invited to join us for these calls. We’ll each cover a topic that you can use to improve your writing, not just spend the time hustling you to sign up for the full course.

The first call featuring Linda Joy Myers will take place on January 22 at 4:30 pst, 5:30 mst, 6:30 cst, or 7:30 est. Jerry Waxler's preview is on January 29, and mine will be held on February 5 at the same time each week.

Even if you can’t attend the full course, I hope you’ll join us for the free* previews, and invite your writing pals to dial in with you. To sign up and get the dial-in number and access code, click on the links in the preceding paragraph and enter your name and e-mail address in the fields at the bottom. In fact, sign up even if you can't call in, because those who sign up will receive a link to a recording of the calls, so you can listen later.

*Although there is no charge for the session, normal tolls apply to call the access number.

Write now: write a few lines in your journal about ways you'd like to jazz up descriptions in your writing.

All Truth Is Fiction, and All Fiction is Truth

Over the past couple of years, a number of scandals involving fake memoirs have rocked the literary world. The latest broke right after Christmas 2008. This time the topic was a love story with its roots set at the fence of a Nazi concentration camp during World War II. The author was Herman Rosenblat, a bona fide survivor of Schlieben, according to a report in Salon.

These controversies raise a flurry of questions, including many about where memoir writers should draw the line between creative license to convey the essence or personal truth of their memories. They call into question the very nature of memory itself.

With these questions in mind, my mind went on full alert when I belatedly thumbed through the October 2008 issue of Writer's Digest and found Jordan Rosenfeld's interview with Isabel Allende, "A Woman of Letters." One question and answer read:

"You've said that in writing memoirs, you work with the truth and then end up lying. Can you explain what you mean?

"A memoir is my version of events. My perspective. I choose what to tell and what to omit. I choose the adjectives to describe a situation, and in that sense, I'm creating a form of fiction. I realized this when I showed the manuscript to the people in my life before it was published. Everyone had a different version of the stories because their feelings were different. If you and I witness the same accident in the street you'll tell it one way, I'll tell it in another and maybe one of us won't remember it in a week.

"There's basically an element of fiction in everything you remember. Imagination and memory are almost the same brain processes. When I write fiction, I know that I'm using a bunch of lies that I've made up to create some form of truth. When I write a memoir, I'm using true elements to create something that will always be somehow fictionalized."

Perhaps the difference between what Allende is talking about and the incidents that have rocked the memoir world of late is a matter of both degree and intent to deceive. James Frye admitted he embellished the truth to add spice to the story. He was purposeful and deliberate about it. Herman Rosenblat admitted that he told his story to "bring happiness to people," and that there was nothing true about it at all. In each of the scandals, the authors admitted awareness of distortions and intentional deceit.

It's one thing to agree with Allende that all memory is somewhat fictional, and that my memory of a room being painted rosy pink is just as valid as my sister's memory of the same room being yellow. It would be quite another thing to say that I rode the super killer coaster at Cedar Point when all I really did was hold the cameras while others did the riding, but the latter doesn't make a compelling story, and who will know the difference if I pass the purposely embellished version off as real and true? I'll stick with my rosy room, but I won't claim to ride the vomit comet unless I can rely on first hand experience to describe the resulting ... never mind. You get the idea.

I will continue to develop my descriptive skills so I can give the most poignant picture possible of sincerely held memories. I’ll stick as close to the truth of my perceptions as I can, but a little creative license is okay in the sense of describing things as I think they must have been. And as a reader, I'll keep in mind that all truth is fiction and all fiction is truth so I can read with compassion and generosity, listening for the inner Truth with less concern about the literal.

Write now: grab pen and paper do some Writing Practice about your personal Truth boundaries and your feelings about deception as practiced by other writers.

New Toy for Life Writers

My writing time yesterday and today went into writing web code rather than words, and I just finished building a new toy. Technically I guess it’s called a widget. My very first widget. I’m so excited!

The tips change daily, so be sure to come back often to find a new one, and if you have a blog connected with life writing of one sort or another, please be my guest. This is a toy that’s made to be shared. Just follow the link at the bottom, copy the code, and paste it into your sidebar.

Hopefully I’ll soon learn what it would take to add it as a gadget to Vista desktops. How cool would that be, to have a Life Writing Tip of the Day right there in your sidebar?

This idea sprang to mind a few months ago. I have lots of ideas like that, and it’s rare that I actually bring one to fruition like this, so this is extra cause for celebration. Actually, it’s not unlike all the story ideas floating around that I think about writing, but there’s only so much time.

Remember that Flavia card I found a couple of posts ago? This widget is like those words. And now that I’ve got my mind cleared out, I’m ready to write stories again and start putting those tips into practice.

Write now: about ideas you’ve had that you did or did not implement. What stories have you thought of and not written? Are they on your Story Idea List?

New Beginnings

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

January First is typically thought of as a day of new beginnings. This year and this post also mark the completion of 300! posts in this blog. In the spirit of New Beginnings, I’m expanding the blog's scope. For nearly three years and three hundred posts, I’ve concentrated almost exclusively on writing lifestories. Today, you’ll notice that the title has changed ever so slightly. Now, rather than being The Heart and Craft of Lifestory Writing, one word is missing. It’s simply The Heart and Craft of Life Writing, a small but subtle distinction.

Over the course of time, especially the past year, I have become increasingly aware of the various facets of life writing and how they fit together. Some people can stick with a single focus for their entire lives and feel satisfied and happy. I’m not one of those people. I’m an adventurer, a wanderer, an explorer of new perspectives and insight, and eager to try things new ways. I need to follow this impulse to expand for my own reasons, and trust that you will find additional value also.

The facets of life writing as I currently see them include both processes and products, and they overlap all over the place, so the boundaries I describe below are arbitrary and loosely defined. The first three, autobiography, lifestory and memoir have been the focus to date, with the most attention given to lifestory writing. I’ve mentioned journaling, personal essay and documenting, but mostly in passing. The change in blog title reflects my growing interest in these latter three.

• Lifestory — informal vignettes of specific memories and events written from a personal perspective. There is no right way to go about it. They can be as informal as a journal, as impersonal as a document, or as insightful as memoir. They can be rough drafts or highly polished. They can stand alone or be incorporated as elements in a longer work. They are the perfect place for a beginner to get started.

• Memoir — a highly personal account of a specific period of aspect of life. Memoir emphasizes personal reaction and interpretation as much or more than events. It generally implies more literary focus and polish and may evolve from a collection of lifestories.

• Autobiography (chronicling) — an overview of your life, generally written in chronological order. The focus tends to emphasize events and circumstances more than personal observation and interpretation.

• Journaling — a repository of raw thoughts, memories, and insights. A tool for discovering insights and documenting and recording events. Journaling is highly personal and there is no right way to do it.

• Documenting — memorabilia that genealogists treasure like a birth and marriage certificates together with constructed documents like a time line of your life, an account of a specific event including details. Many autobiographies serve to document the details of a life. These documents often serve as supplementary material for other writing.

• Personal Essay — the other end of the line from documenting ... or maybe not. Essays document insights, beliefs, opinions, and interpretations rather than facts. An ethical will is a type of personal essay.

• Poetry and music — valued and time-honored forms of expression, but these forms of life writing will remain outside the bounds of this blog.

Though the focus and title are broadening, much of the content will remain consistent, addressing topics like Truth, secrets, disclosure, and other key concerns. You may not even notice the expanded focus, but I’m a stickler for clearly defining the purpose of any piece or collection of writing, so the title had to change to reflect the expanded focus.

I wish you every blessing and success in this new calendar year and hope that it will be filled with written words as well as joy, growth, and expanded insight.

Write now: doodle some thoughts about the focus of your writing projects. What do you want to write about in the coming weeks and months? Do you have unfinished stories you want to polish? Do you seek publication, by others or your own devices? Expand your timeline. Add to your store idea list. Pull out an old story and polish it. Whatever you do, write!